Babies Vs. Puppies
Would you rather have a puppy? Or a baby? Let’s think about it logically.
Pros/cons of having babies:
I would say that the number one benefit of having a child is that having a child is like having your own personal servant. A personal servant that costs a lot and screams and yells and gets all angsty and goes through crazy ass emo phases or some shit. You’ll usually have to give your personal servant “the talk.” You know, the one about the birds and the bees (Who knows why birds and bees are fuckin’ each other anyway, I’m not a big fan of that interspecies shit). But you have to worry about your kid doing dumb shit during his/her life, which kinda ruins his/her value as a personal servant. I’d really rather not have a crack whore mow the lawn for me.
The worst thing about babies is that they cost so much money. They need food, and you need to buy them all this other shit so they’re happy and don’t turn you into child services. Also, it probably hurts giving birth. I cringe at the idea of kidney stones. I can’t imagine ejecting an 8-pound living thing out of you. Why can’t babies grow on trees like everything else (i.e. money, apples, etc)?
Pros/cons of having puppies:
Everything about having a puppy is great. They’re soft. Fun. They like to fetch things. This includes sticks, balls, slippers, newspapers, and if you train them enough, hot chicks. Yeah, scientific research shows that puppies get you laid. No joke. I plan on walking around with no less than 8 puppies with me at all times. I will have SO MUCH PUSSY that I won’t even know what to do with it. Do I like, donate it to the homeless? Will it count as a tax write-off if I do? Fuck it I don’t know, but I can’t even use up all this pussy by myself goddamn. That’s how much vag I’ll be getting. I will have more pussy than Bill Gates has money. Literally. I will have TOO much pussy, to the extent that I would have control over the world pussy supply.
Puppies are also inexpensive. They cost like what, $1000 to buy? Making a baby costs SO MUCH MORE (pumping drinks into some girl, taking her out to dinner, buying her a ring, etc etc). Feeding a puppy costs very little too. I’m pretty sure whatever the fuck Kibbles N Bits are is a shitload cheaper than whatever the fuck babies eat. I’m guessing bugs and applesauce. But then they grow up and want actual food. Ugh. Such a pain.
Also, you can pet puppies. You can’t pet babies because their heads aren’t developed and you’ll like, destroy their brains or some shit. That’s what I heard.